It's good to draw a line under your past, but not to detach completely so this blog is back! It will be my bath, alone, different to my most pressing and immediate demands
I'm not religous. I'm not 'beffuddled by faith' as Dawkins would antagonisingly put it, but I need to brick up the windows and make discoveries in unconventional ways. Here is one of many ways I do it, I offer it to the Universe whatever that may be (google in this case which is effectively the universe that contains the internet).
Man Bath
Ingredients
- Indulgences of choice (mine are beer and cigars, keep it male folks. Chocolate fancy shit and wine will result in karmic drowning and removal from the man pool, like the worthless girlie gender confused tosspiece you are)
- Endless supply of hot water
- Radox, like Grandad used to have
- A good read (I like Sunday Times)
- A good quality cigar (Cuban, shell out you cheap swine!)
- Ambient noise. I like the noise of outside in the Spring/Summer. The less you have to deal with, the better, unless you make a long playlist you can endure without it intruding on your experience
Method
Laws and rules are for committees. There are fundamentals however;
- When you get out of the bath, the Man Bath us over. Trust me, the mood, the moment, the delicious self gratifying and ponderous continuum of the Man Bath is finished. Be Prepared
- Ensure isolation. Doors locked, respond to no-one, knockers, phone calls. Nothing. Go look up solipsism
- Wash, you stinking ball bag
That's it. Forget spas, away breaks, fucking tai chi, all of it. Be proud of the home, life and bathing room you have chosen for yourself and enjoy it, make it your sanctuary.
Drinking beer in the bath presents an obvious problem for Fundamental 1. I have a solution I call the Water Swap. Unplug, and point yourself very near the plughole and enjoy the unique experience of zero gravity bladder relief. Top up with hot water
Inspired by Tank Girl, a long time ago
